Wednesday, 3 February 2010
two corinthians.
1When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.a]">[a] 2For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. 4My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, 5 so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.
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I think one of the main things I tend to battle with is self-worth. I think growing up with an over-achieving sibling and over-achieving friends around me has made a psychological defect in my way of thinking and feeling. I'm never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough or nice enough.
Even with starting this new phase in my life, I am again wrestling with the fears of being incompetent and useless at the job of which I was pretty certain that God had predestined me to do. What if I can't live up the expectations that the world and God's purpose has for me? What if? What if? These thoughts, these worries can be crippling. Sometimes I just want to get away from it all, y'know? But part of me wants to just jump in there to see how I go. If I fail, I fail.
I've been cleaning my room in the past few days and my lastest target is the wardrobe - which hasn't been cleared.. well, ever. It's just an accumulation of my life over the past 9 years since we've moved in. The old school reports, the excercise books filled with years of knowledge that was clearly not retained, the notes written in class between friends, the birthday cards and the lost photographs are all being discovered and re-read.. making the whole cleaning process a lot slower than first thought. But I guess it's better to do it all thoroughly now than later, because there will be never a time after this that I will be this free.
I have to say, I've lead a pretty awesome life so far. My school reports were all pretty above the status quo, the memories that were so long forgotten now remind me of the hilariously retarded but awesome times we've had and the little bits of craft and drawings are cringe-worthy looking at it now in more mature eyes X). It's been a tiring but satisfying journey of nostalgia.
I guess reading these verses really show that in the end, it's not about our strengths or our weaknesses that count. Being christian isn't about proclaiming the holiness or righteousness or even superiority, but recognizing the lack and short-comings of being a human being and giving that all up to the one who made us. It's about proclaiming God's power, no matter how significant we feel we are, it's all about Jesus.
So I guess, when it comes to my future.. (ironically) I should look at my past and see the stages of life that I've gone through and succeeded in to this day and see that through it all.. it's been Jesus that's brought me through, and that He will be with me in this new season.
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in less emo news, nostalgia is awesome.
me and suwii in MATHS METHODS 1+2 WHILE WE WERE 14.
that's right. WE ARE GENIUS. X) PRAISE ME.
1in less emo news, nostalgia is awesome.
me and suwii in MATHS METHODS 1+2 WHILE WE WERE 14.
that's right. WE ARE GENIUS. X) PRAISE ME.
1 Comments:
HAHAHHA
I do remember the photo :)
So funny - all that's missing is Ms. Wong - HEY THERE'S MY CHEAT SHEET ^^
Nostalgia (Y)
word verification = aliton
By 
suwii, at
4 February 2010 at 1:28 pm