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Wednesday 31 March 2010
the update. prn.

so i haven't used the internet properly for over a week because 1. i've been working and 2. we've been capped so the internet is incredibly slow and thus i ceebs. so right now, the only thing that doesn't require much refreshing of pages is indeed to write a blogpost. so here we go!

work. the biggest struggle/ challenge/ test that i'm facing right now. it's a scary thought going to work not knowing what to expect. i think the whole mortality aspect is all a bit too much for me to handle right now at this age. being the person that is the last to touch, to talk, to care for someone in their last hours is an honour but definitely something that impacts your spirit and sense of self, sense of mortality.

that, and the whole responsibility shazam that every job has: being the employee, being accountable to a boss, the performance appraisals, feeling like you have to prove your competence.. is all a little much to handle.

saying that though, i think i'm getting into the swing of things. three fobby nursing students came in on monday and i showed them around the ward, taught them a few things and loved it. education is def. one of my possible career paths :)

life. so today i had another one of my life evaluations and the familiar sinking feeling in my heart set in. toward the end of last year, i had my dream life set out in front of me.. and in two weeks.. that dream was dashed.. and i was crushed. right now, i still don't think i've gotten over that yet.

today i walked around and thought about the life that i had wanted, i walked around and reminisced about my old life, walked around and just took in everything. i feel like a different person from where i was just 4 months ago.. more grown up i guess.

i think part of maturing is to stop being so idealistic, so naive.. but i think true maturity is to draw the line between being too naive and but still staying optimistic. i know in my head that all these things happened for a reason and the path i'm on now is better.. but a part of me still doesn't understand why things didn't go to plan and why i didn't get my dream.. was it just because He didn't want me to? or was it because i just wasn't good enough?

people. because of work and because i'm a socially retardedhead, i feel like i'm completely falling out of the social world. i'm struggling with work and i don't think people understand.. or actually even care how i'm doing. subconciously, i'm shutting people out, withdrawing from people.. and i dont think anyone even realises it. right now, i only trust a selected few.. and i know everyone has their problems and a lot of people's problems are bigger than mine.. but i right now i only care about those who actually care about me. i know it can get exhausting, i've been there, i've been the friend who has to constantly care for the other.. i think that i deserve that in return.

disclaimer. so yes, these are just a little possibly over-exaggerated thoughts in my head at the moment. just a few determinant factors of my recent dark cloud of a person i have become. i think i'll start a new post on more positive things, cause it hasn't been all gloom and doom .. or dhoom2. brb.
2

Tuesday 23 March 2010
stillmotion

http://vimeo.com/user403001/videos

i could spend all night watching this. love it.
0

Sunday 21 March 2010
nutella




okay, enough wedding photos/blogs/website stalking for tonight
to sleep i go :)

this week:
early monday
tuesday & wednesdays off
thursday study day :D (yes, i get paid yay)


my days are so messed up. X)
someone do something fun with me this week :)
1

Wednesday 17 March 2010
copypaste tidal wave.

I wish I could cross my arms
And cross your mind 'cause I believe
You'd unfold your paper heart
And wear it on your sleeve

All my life I wish I broke mirrors
Instead of promises
'Cause all I see is a shattered conscience
Staring right back at me

I wish I had covered all my tracks completely
'Cause I'm so afraid
Is that the light at the far end of the tunnel
Or just the train?

Lift your arms, only Heaven knows
Where the danger grows and it's safe to say
There's a bright light up ahead
And help is on the way, help is on the way

I forget the last time I felt brave
I just recall insecurity
'Cause it came down like a tidal wave
And sorrow swept over me

Depression, please cut to the chase
And cut a long story short
Oh, please be done, how much longer
Can this drama afford to run?

Fate looks sharp, severs all my ties
And breaks whatever doesn't bend
But sadly then, all my heavy hopes
Just pull me back down again

I forget the last time I felt brave
I just recall insecurity
'Cause it came down like a tidal wave
And sorrow swept over me

Then I was given grace and love
I was blind but now I can see
'Cause I found a new hope from above
And courage swept over me

It hurts just to wake up
Whenever you're wearing thin
Alone on the outside
So tired of looking in

The end is uncertain
And I've never been so afraid
But I don't need a telescope
To see that there's hope
And that makes me feel brave
0

Monday 15 March 2010
maintaining the work-life balance.

Since the last post..

Wednesday. The day-off 1.
Sleepies , ACMI, Flipbooks, Balwyns, Cho gao, Lychee sohos, Alien encounters, Max brenners, Giant sundaes, ME WANTEMS THIS, hand gestures & 201 busrides



Thursday. The day-off 2.
Greysgreysgreys. Suwii's house. Suwii's exercice video. Mummy ng talking. Shoppo. JBHIFI. Snobbing off my nurseincharge. Pizza expresso with the impactleads. Missing out on Sabrina's birthday D: Came home and found the brother baking. Peanut butter and chocolate cookies. Nommmm.




Friday. The first work day.
Sleep. Work. Blood transfusions. Failed venepunctures. Crazy running around. Missing the train by like 10 seconds and waiting 30 mins for the next one. Tyrone's 21st. Fellow nurse talking with Julie. High school love with Bryan. Coronas. Cake stealing. Constanter ac fideliter to Tyroning. Slept over at Janey's. Princess Monoke.





Saturday. The second work day.
Wake up from reality dream. Taking the Janey to indoschool. Breakfast hunting with John2. Kebabs & the office. Fridge transformations. Bubblecup and crepes and parks. Work. Had the first experience with a dead body. Cold. Went down to the morgue and felt sick D: Easy shift. Sunset dinner dates with patients. Besties patients.

Awesome parents driving me to city after shift to EVERMORE gig. I want to be a popsta.. pornstarr WHAT? Red and yellow Coronas. Talks. Camwhores. Evermore. Light surrounding you. Running. It's too late. Never let you go. Tonight's gonna be a good night. Pieface. IPHONE DROPPAGE when stealing jn's chips. Dermstalk. CAT'S REVELATION IN THE CAR - BEST. Last passenger talks with suwii :D






Sunday. The third work day.
Drove the brother to church. Picked up the janey, ida and dermawan from the city. Ate pies. Church. Driving to work. Work. Humming. Home. Interwebz catch-up. Photo commenting Blogging. Sleep.



.. and so I'm working tomorrow late and Tuesday early.. and it's my weekend again! I have Wednesday and Thursday off :) No plans yet.. besides a tentative balwyn dinner on Thursday. Mebe spontaneous mbro visit.. but we'll see :) Looking forward to it. Greys misses me.

Also. Death of my iphone's camera capabilities. SADFACE. Probs go to shoppo before work tomorrow and see if can fixies.



HOW TO FIX. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Sif can live without photos srsly.

1

Thursday 11 March 2010
birthdaysss.



happy birthday sabrinaa and sarahhh :D
1

Wednesday 10 March 2010
the one.

blue pill or the
red pill?

cause who doesn't love a matrix reenactment?

(note: click the red pill)
(here's the link to awesomeness if you are really that fail at clicking skills :D
http://www.acmi.net.au/timeslice/Timeslice.htm?file=ts-20100310-826ad63ef7fe056ce704125483a443bc.flv)
1

trying to keep afloat

TWO DAYS OFF.

..after only two days at work. but hey, im working the weekend ok. pooface.

So I've spent my whole morning catching up on the world that is the internet. Blogs. Facebook photos. Youtube. And I'm starting to realise that I haven't really missed that much.

I think the internet is one of those friends that you make when you're bored and lonely but ditch once you actually have a life.

I kid. I heart you interwebZ.



Okay, now to head out into the world and talk to real people. Seeeyazz.
0

Sunday 7 March 2010
upcomingss

this week
wednesday: balwyns meetup with the jn finally :)
thursday: youthleaders dinner
friday: tyrone's 21st of which i think i will princess leia it up for.
saturday: evermoreeeeeee gig for catch's bday :D (yes, we are still celebrating like 8 months later :D )
0

from the great unknown.

so i should be in bed by now because work is at 7am and i am exhausted.. but i thought i'd just delay a little and just update about the first week andd my life :) because sometimes venting is better therapy than sleep is. (also i don't get paid for another two weeks, so retail therapy will have to wait.)

so the first week.

the first two days were purely orientation, freee morning tea/lunch/afternoon tea and making new friends. yes, i have a new bestie now that i call sandra oh :D ahah yes, we both love greys anatomy. she's awesome. new friends = (y)

the next three days were on the ward. wednesday was actually pretty good :) we were just getting used to the ward and iuno not much was expected. but by the time friday came around, i felt like i was crumbling. all i wanted to do was hide away in my room and just cry. i am a emo child srsly. if i was someone else looking in, i would slap myself silly. but.. iuno this is how i feel.

but yes. that fear hasn't really gone away yet. and tomorrow begins the first real week on my own without constant supervision. this is it. threee years of my lifeee has built up to this point. andd i should be asleep soon.

so the last weekend

along with the whole new working thing is the shiftwork. which means, working early mornings, nights, weekends etc. so this last weekend was the last full weekend for the next two months of which i know my roster for D: but i think i spent it well :)

WEEKEND IN DOT POINTS BECAUSE I NEED TO SLP IN THE NEXT 15 MINUTES.
- after work eye apptment and i chose my glasssesssssss :D freaking pwnz.
- impacttttttttttttt
- supper til 2am for the birthday of the brother
- sleeeep in and awaken to the hilarious happenings of the gc crew. i am still laughing.
- the brother's birthday lunch at heide cafe vue. i finally took photos for the first time in like a month X) and the food/ ambiance was lovely. recommended (Y)
- seeing ida and serene on the train ride and talks about dead arms and scaring small children sitting next to us
- THE CRAZY WEATHER STORMM that meant being locked up in melbourne central borders o lol.
- being rescued from the weather by the lees and watching sisters keeper while lovertime with the janey and babbit
- steamboat with the unis and ranting and laughing and eating and eating and being comforted that i'm not that nooob X)
- watched men who stare at goats with george clooney/ ewan mcgregor/ jedis and goast ofc. with $10 hoytstickets
- return to the leehouse sleepover with princesss monoke and sleeping
- waking early and washing my hair with no towel and the van ride to churchh
- churchhhhhhhhh
- kfc lunch with my 1 gay krush
- indooor soccer and running with janeyida though i pwnz them cause i am pwnzing.

..anddd a much needed indomie, electric stove cooked dinner that now gives me enough :) to face tomorrow.


(:
0

Saturday 6 March 2010
dare you to moveeee



It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone

Unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain
And bitter doubts
I was trying so hard to fit in
Fit in, until I found out

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong
I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When You found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear

I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free


We're still chasing our tails
In the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
In a direction no one wins
No one's won.

See, I don't belong here
Well, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I will carry a cross
With a song where I don't belong
I don't belong

I'm gonna set side
And set sail
For the kingdom come, kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down, yeah
Let my foolish pride
forever let me down


Ah, Easy living, you're not much like the name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living please c'mon and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool

The church of the dropouts

The losers, the sinners,
the failures, and the fools


What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune

'Cause I don't belong here
Won't you let me down.

---

so i just got tickets for switchfoooooot on 22/4 as i am working an early on that day :D
AWESOMESAUZ. switchfoot was totally one of my teenage angst bands. i must say, i really like going to concert/gigs :D i have another three lined up already. evermore next week!!

i can't wait to get paid.
1

Thursday 4 March 2010



So leave it behind cause we, have a night to get away,
So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape.

So baby dont worry, you are my only,
You wont be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
Youll be my only, no need to worry..



ever since the hilton night / dancing but not clubbing at tangerine / the margaret night / the night suwii got hit on by a woman / the night of the jono induction / linda's birthday / yes, that's all the same night X) i've loved this song :) i just like the thought of someone saying these words .. to me. it sounds kinda lame, but i think every girl want to feel like they're the someone's only.


ahaha. embarrass.



I MEAN.. I JUST LIKE THE INDIANS OK? %% mm vindaloo.
0

Wednesday 3 March 2010
the first day.

sarah ♫ says:
ahahaha
funtimes
i pwnz the doctors today
like
ńëìĻ says:
ooo
sarah ♫ says:
tanya would be so proud
ńëìĻ says:
what
how
u pwn
doctorz
sarah ♫ says:
ahaha
soz
becauseeeeee
my pt was like
thicken fluids etc
sooo
had to crush meds

but she was on esopramazole
which is enteric coated
because it's a proton pump inhibitor
and thus is absorbed in the small intestines
ńëìĻ says:
lolz
yea
sarah ♫ says:
so if crushed, the drug would be metabolised in the stomashh aciddsss and thusss doesn't work effectively
SO.
i was like
ńëìĻ says:
thats where its suppose to be absorbed
srsly?
the doc didnt know htat?
lol
sarah ♫ says:
OH HAI DOCTORRRAHH
so like
i have nexiumz for patient and likee have to crushess
but enteric coated to cannot
so ya
how
and then FOOL INTERN
was like
o rly
and i was like ya rly
and then he was like
ńëìĻ says:
do u wanna go out?
lolz
sarah ♫ says:
i'll check with my registarrr
and then i explained to registrarrr
and she was like.. oh so can i put her on omeprazole?
and imma lke
you're the doctor foo!
and she changed order.
ńëìĻ says:
lolz
sarah ♫ says:
YES HERO I AM PATIENT ADCOVATE.
ńëìĻ says:
LOL
haha
funnnyyyy
sarah ♫ says:
actuallly this is prow
imma gonna blog it.
1