I'm not really good with words.. which is why I probably don't blog as much as I should. I just can't seem to get my thoughts out in words. I read this the other day on a blog of a fellow Sarah of whom I stalk regardly. She kinda just took the words out of my head and eloquently shared them onto the interwebz.
I've editted bits out ofc. Here we go.
"This is what I’ve really learned this year. Relationships are so important but so f***ing scary. People walk in and out of yours lives every day and sitting back and taking it as people you love leave, people you could’ve loved won’t listen, and the people you need disappear is such a burden of humanity.
Maybe I think about “change” too much. I really don’t like the idea of just leaving everything behind. Changing places always means saying goodbye or at least feeling like something is empty or missing.
I’m realizing that the only person I can count on is myself. I don’t mean that in the sense that everybody else lets you down. But you’re the only person you’ll see every day, every month, every year. You can’t count that other people won’t change in ways that seem strange or unappealing to you. Everybody changes, and you can’t expect people to change along with you. Thoughts change, emotions change, people change.
Our young lives are a rushing stream of experiences, people, experiences, people, experiences, people. And we can’t get off this ride as much as we wanted to. I feel sick sometimes, sick that nobody will stick with me. We fall second and third and fourth and sometimes don’t even make the countdown in terms of who people care about most. I’ll never be a person’s number one. Even our families, or closest friends value and tend to other relationships.
I sometimes dream I could live in a world with no goodbyes. But that’s just silly. We’re meant to move forward through our lives. We’re meant to branch and reach and grow and travel and explore and learn and change."
Since starting full-time shift work, I feel like my life has completely changed. Even since celebrating my 21st, I've realised how far I've come from who I was last year. My network of close friends has frizzled from at least a dozen to two or three.. and even those relationships feel somewhat strained.I love my job, I love who it's making me become.. compassionate, confident, knowledgable, respectable, kind.. and the impact I'm making on people's lives (because it's not just about the patient, it's the patient's families that I care for as well..). I love it. I love the sense of satisfaction knowing that my life is dedicated for others and not just for making money for my own comforts.
Even thinking about not working for the next two weeks kind of makes me sad thinking about what I'm missing out on at work. On the other hand.. I LOVE SLEEP. I LOVE INTERNET. I LOVE GREYS ANATOMY. I LOVE BEING A BUM. So much captial letters.
So yes, I will continue to enjoy my annual leave.. and hopefully use this time to catch up with a few people that have time to catch up with me. 0
